Hit the Road Jack

I recently embarked on quite a great adventure: A two day drive from the east coast to my home in the midwest.

It kinda felt like one of those coming of age movies about a teenager set to find themselves, adventure, and romance on the open road.  Except I'm not a teenager anymore, there was limited adventure, and definitely no romance.  And all these things are fine by me.

I've made a summary of my trip into a list of pros and cons...

PROS                                                           CONS
-saw a high speed car chase                         -the person being pursued in the car chase cut me off
-didn't get into any accidents                        -saw a duck be hit by a car
-made friends with a trucker                         -said trucker honked at me and gave me a heart attack
-only had to fill up my tank twice                 -lost all the money I saved to tolls

Why I Can't Play Video Games (or the curse of empathy)

I decided that I was going to become really skilled at computer games this summer since I spend a lot of time on the computer (and am trying to become an ultimate nerd).  Most of that time is spent waiting for the program I am trying to write (that will perform lots of complicated math and physics things!) to run (and mock me by taking 9 years just to tell me there's an error).  It's awesomely frustrating...

But anyway so back to computer games.  I was trying to complete my quest towards becoming an ultimate nerd, but I just can't play computer games.  It's not just because I'm really unskilled (which I am) but it's because any game in which my character can plunge to its death stresses me out too much.

I'm terribly afraid of heights, and apparently that translates to computer games too.  Even when the entire game is two dimensional, thus has no depth perspective, and my character is a flat, pixelated cartoon.  When the character in the game falls (which happens a lot because like I said before I'm really awful) I get that stomach feeling like on a roller coaster.  My heart rate speeds up, I get light-headed, I feel so nervous that I want to vom, and I get really sweaty.  It's pretty disgusting.

I blame this all on the fact that I am a wonderfully empathetic person who is just too-kind hearted to ignore the pain of even a two-dimensional being.  (JUST KIDDING)

But really empathy is a curse.  Clearly the human race would be much stronger if we didn't tried to put ourselves in someone else's position and were entirely selfish...(wait, is this hitting too close to the state of the world...yikes wouldn't want to get political)  And then we'd all kill each other off...the end.

And here's where you're probably waiting for some moral cliche conclusion like
1. Why can't we all just get a long
2. Make love not war
3. Peace and harmony man

Instead I'm going to leave you with these wise words instead...

if you're ever sitting by me when I'm playing a computer game, watch out, I'll probably vom on you

Heads Will Roll

Unlike the Yeah Yeah Yeahs song, heads were not rolling on the floor...more like in the sink...and I really don't think the mice danced until they were dead...

Let me explain.

It all started when I headed into the lab for research.  Not only is the hallway leading into my lab creepy because you can't see who's coming, but it is also a spider den.  When you enter their den, these spiders aren't messing around.  They are huge and always looming above your head, threatening to drop should you take too long to pass through.  Not to mention they always build their webs right in front of the entrance to the actual lab.

Luckily for me, the boys in the physics lab connected to mine can be bribed, with treats, to take care of the spiders for me.  The usual method for taking care of the spiders is to capture them in a cup and then put them down the sink.  (it would definitely be nicer if we released them, but I can't really make demands since I'm not taking care of them myself)

On this day they had collected a cup full of spiders and went to the sink to dump them out.  Unfortunately there was something blocking the drain, two things actually...DEAD MICE!  (INCLUDING ONE HEADLESS MOUSE AND THE OTHER WITH A RUPTURED STOMACH!!!!!)

At first it seemed like some kind of threat or something.  It was like the mice had been put there as a warning.  Then I thought about it...CLEARLY IT WAS THE STUPID BABY THAT WAS HAUNTING ME!  IT WAS EVIL AND HAD RIPPED THE HEAD OFF THE MOUSE LIKE SOME KIDS DO WITH BARBIE DOLLS


For days this is what I thought had happened.  I was definitely on edge.

The truth is a lot less exciting, but still just as gruesome.  Over the weekend they sprayed the building with mouse poison.  The poison is slow-acting and just makes the mice really thirsty at first.  The logic behind it is the mice will run outside to get water and die out there.

Unfortunately they didn't take into consideration sinks.  The mice just ran right into the sink and got trapped.  So you may still be wondering what happened to the one's head.  Well mice are apparently cannibalistic when starving...I'll let you fill in the blanks.

NOT YOUR BABY

I'M BACK!

Yes, I know it's been a long time, and maybe it seemed like I had actually died, but I didn't.  I was spending some time in a magical land of fairies, castles, and haggis!  And I dipped my face (for seven seconds exactly) in this magic fairy river that keeps you youthful (and healthy!) so I managed to not be dying for at least a little bit.

But unlike souvenirs, the magic must stay in Scotland.  Unfortunately I seem to have brought something else back from Scotland...a baby.

Just before your mind jumps to any conclusions, let me just say that I didn't go to Scotland to secretly have a baby at cloister, so that no one would even know that I had been preggo.  The baby that I'm referring to is a ghost baby that has decided to haunt me.

I was unaware of its presence until recently.  I was in the lab in the creepy physics basement by myself.  I was waiting from my professor to arrive so I could ask her some questions.  There is a creepy hallway leading up to my lab (usually filled with spiders) that prevents the person in the lab from seeing who is entering the lab.  From that hallway I heard a small child crying.

At first I thought my professor had brought her small son into work, and she was coming into the lab to see how things were going.  But after waiting a few minutes and having no one enter the lab I went into the hallway.  There was no one there, and the crying stopped.

So I went upstairs to see if she was in her office.  There was no one upstairs.  So I started to freak out a bit.  But I just went back to the lab and continued as per usual.

By the end of the day I had completely forgotten about it.

Later that night, however, my friends and I were watching a scary movie and I looked down at my shirt. There appeared to be a coffee stain on it.  But this was not just any coffee stain, IT WAS IN THE SHAPE OF A BABY'S FOOTPRINT.  It literally looked like a baby with a dirty foot had walked up my side.

Now you  might think that it was just my imagination over-reacting.  BUT when I asked my friends what it looked like, they also said it looked like a baby's footprint!

Since then the baby has caused a little mischief around the house.  He turns the emergency lights on and off, but only when I'm downstairs by myself.  Things will fall off the counter in the kitchen.  Weird sounds, like knocking, happen and cannot be explained.

so far it hasn't been anything malicious, but as I've learned from my extensive knowledge of scary movies, small children ghosts/demons are the absolute worst!

This Sh is Bananas

I was pretty convinced the other morning that I had been cursed.

There was an incident with being pooped on by a bird as well as having to walk under THREE ladders to get to class.  It seemed like trouble was brewing...

But the icing on the cake was when I went to the dining hall and got a banana.  Now it is a rare occasion when the dining hall bananas are actually ripe.  So I wasn't surprised to find that most of the bananas were basically green, but there were a few that appeared mostly yellow.  Probably not ripe, but definitely edible.

Except it wasn't!  I took that first bite and it felt like eating quicksand.  I would say normal sand, but it wasn't crunchy enough.  It tasted horrible and got stuck to my teeth and the top of my mouth.  I had to use my napkin to wipe the inside of my mouth out and it took two cups of tea before things started tasting okay again.

At that moment I felt doomed.  I thought a curse had been put on me to make all my food turn to quicksand in my mouth.  (And for everyone who knows me, you know this would be  huge problem because I love food!)  But I got up like nothing happened and got a bowl of Cocoa Krispies.

I was afraid to take the first bite because my life was stuck in the balance.  That bite would either confirm my fears or prove them wrong.

But they were delicious, as were the bacon and hash browns!

The Silver Lining

The one good thing I've discovered so far about having the Scottish Plague is I was able to cough on the math tutor when he wasn't being helpful hehehe

I find this a fitting punishment for numerous people and I will put it into effect immediately!

The Plague Isn't a Thing of the Past

I've come to the conclusion that I've caught the Scottish Plague.

What exactly is the Scottish Plague?  Well basically it's a disgusting, hacking cough mixed with a drippy nose, and it doesn't go away.  This is not an exaggeration.

I basically got it the minute I entered this country.  I thought I had kicked it with Orange juice, tea, ginger, and sometimes sleeping, but it has been a perpetual and unwanted companion.  For a while it was merely a tickle of a cough but it has come back with a vengeance.

It does make it rather hard to make friends because no one wants to sit next to the kid who coughs every 30 seconds, and is blowing her nose in between.  It's like having cooties, except these are real. germs.

And when you meet someone new, they don't want to shake your hand.  I mean it's understandable, but still kinda awkward.

With all the tissues I'm using, I feel like I'm single handedly destroying the rainforest and causing species to go extinct.  I do not want that kinda of bad karma in my life.

If this continues I guess it'll be time to invest in a handkerchief.

Boredom is like Torture

I think I might actually just scream in the middle of my class.  Scream and run out and never come back.  Or at least not until next week when we have a new lecturer.

The current lecturer was probably a torture expert during medieval times.  He has been reincarnated into what seems like a harmless old man.  But underneath that Mr. Roger's sweater and oversized glasses lurks a dark past.

Okay, I'm not being very nice.  He is definitely just a harmless old man.  But that is part of the problem!  He can't work technology, but for some reason has a powerpoint presentation.  His presentation consists of maps.  Just maps.  No explanations or anything.  Instead you have to listen to his rambling to pick out what is actually important in what he is saying.  It's hard to stay focused for that long while learning about maps.

I even like maps.  They're pretty cool, and it's interesting to see what people used to believe their world looked like. (yes, I am a nerd)

But instead of increasing my appreciation for maps, he is kinda making me want to burn them all.  Then run out screaming.  like I said.

Unfortunately that behavior is frowned upon and I don't want to get kicked out this country.  Just this class, which is ironically called Scottish Studies.

Well I am Certainly NOT in Kansas Anymore

I'm pretty sure the world is ending...

I feel like I'm in the Day After Tomorrow.  Oh and it's Tomorrow alright.  But seriously what is with all these massive snowstorms I've been hearing about?  

I'm glad I don't have to deal with those.  But the weather here is crazy too!  It makes me want to break out my bicycle, paint my face green, ride around on a tornado and mutter, "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"  Basically what I'm trying to say is that it is REALLY REALLY WINDY (and that is actually an understatement)

On my way to class today there was such a large gush of wind that I actually couldn't move forward.  I was taking steps but the wind was playing Mother May I? and it hadn't told me that I could go.

So my verdict is the world is probably ending.  One can only hope to be the John Cusack character in the movie 2012 because he manages to save his kids and get the girl.

My End of the World Advice

1. stock up on water and foods that won't spoil--like Twinkies

2. remember you must always shoot the zombie IN THE HEAD!!!

3. don't enter large cities

4. try to get on a giant spaceship/boat that can somehow survive the end of the world

hope this helps

Look Up. Stay Safe!

This is a warning message for all my readers.

I learned of a terrible threat to tourist safety in Australia yesterday (Australia Day).  DROP BEARS!!

These vicious beasts hide up in trees and wait for innocent campers to set up camp below one of their branches.  They lull them into a false sense of security be remaining quiet and biding their time.  THEN THEY STRIKE!

They launch themselves off the tree branch and land on the unsuspecting campers.  If the crushing blow is not enough to kill you, the drop bears proceed to claw off yo face.

Don't get these beasts confused with koalas (they look very similar)...THEY ARE DANGEROUS AND BLOODTHIRSTY! NOT CUTE, CUDDLY MARSUPIALS!!!!!

So remember, while in Australia, LOOK UP. AND STAY SAFE!!

I'm so excited I could EXPLODE rainbows!!!!!

Yes, that's right.  I said I was probably going to explode rainbows.  What a way to die, huh.  At least I'd go out with a bang. (so cliche it's not even funny)  BUT LITERALLY A BANG!  and instead of blood and guts and brains going every where it would be rainbows, confetti, probably some glitter....actually definitely glitter!!

Compared to the things I'm usually dying from this seems pretty awesome.  Usually I'm forced to suffer slow, painful injuries that will probably result in my impending demise.

BUT you probably want to know why exactly I'm so excited.  Well, for those of you who know my weird obsessions, you know that I basically am a Ghost Hunters (TV show on Sci-Fi) addict.  I watch the marathons every Wednesday, and when I don't have TV I record it at home and catch up on breaks.

Anyway, it is my dream to be a ghost hunter.  I want to scientifically evaluate whether there is any sort of life after death.  I find it comforting, and I'm kinda a science nerd.

Tonight I'm going on a ghost tour of the EDINBURGH UNDERGROUND!!!!!!  (totally geeking out right now)  And every person gets to hold their own emf meter.  For those of you who don't know what it is, an emf meter detects fluctuations in electromagnetic fields.  Due to technology--electrical wiring, plumbing, etc--electromagnetic fields permeate our world.  But sometimes there are unexplained fluctuations in these fields.  One theory is that "ghosts" can manipulate these fields as a means of manifesting themselves.  EM fluctuations are often thought to indicate paranormal activity.

So not only do I get to explore a whole new part of the city and get to hear creepy ghost stories, I could potentially have my very own personal experience.  aka A DREAM COME TRUE!

Hopefully I can contain my excitement and not explode until after the tour!

Also I hope that I don't freak out in the tunnels.  As much as I dream to be a ghost hunter I also know that I'm paranoid, jumpy, and have an active imagination.  Time to steel my nerves to live the dream!

Is that the fire alarm...?

Don't worry the building I'm in is not currently on fire or anything like that. *knock on wood*

But I do hear a ringing.  It's coming from my own ear.  TINNITUS!!! dum dum dum


Apparently you can experience for up to three months or sometimes forever!  Definitely not good.


You may be wondering how I wound up in this predicament.  The thing is, I'm not actually sure.  I mean I know it must have been caused by the music in the club we went to, but I was in the middle of a dance floor, not standing somewhere with my ear pressed against a speaker.


I do take comfort in the fact I'm not the only one to have it.  but I am the only one to still have it this morning, so maybe not so comforting?


All I know is this morning when I woke up I thought a fire alarm was going off and started rushing to put on shoes to escape a fiery death.  This could be a problem.  I feel like my ear is the little boy who cried wolf.  And we all know how well that ended.

Don't Make A Mole Hill Out of a Mountain

So remember that mountain I was complaining about?  (Click!)

Now THAT I FREAKING LOVE MOUNTAINS! (And Click Again) (Karma, you better be paying attention!)  I've decided there is one redeeming quality to the mountain.  The view from the top.

I think these pictures will show you why.

So maybe lesson learned?  Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill?

BUT

I think a more applicable expression would be don't make a mole hill out of a mountain.

regardless of my um... new found fondness...yeah for mountains it is still an ACTUAL MOUNTAIN and not in fact a mole hill.

Speaking of Mountains...

I just thought I'd update everyone on my walking related injuries....there will probably be many because I basically fulfill the "Lazy American" stereotype.

But I now have the largest blister I've ever seen on the bottom/side of my foot.  Yes, that's right it wraps around my foot.  I did not know that a blister could do that, but I guess there's a first time for everything.

It is basically a mountain on my foot.  It's probably karma from yesterdays post discouraging people to climb mountains.


You know what karma, I FREAKING LOVE MOUNTAINS!!  You happy?

(Don't) Climb Every Mountain

I love the movie The Sound of Music as much as the next person, but the advice to "Climb every mountain," not so much.

Before I thought of the song more figuratively.  The idea of achieving your dreams and what not.  Today I thought about it in the literal sense for the first time, and there is no going back.

This was brought on by my mad sprint across the King's Buildings (which are very confusing) to try and find the Royal Observatory (sounds cool, right?)  I get to the road google maps told me the observatory was on and all I see is a basically vertical slope of mountain in front of me.  It was at that moment I knew I was doomed.

But I continued my accelerated pace for about the first fourteen steps.  Then it became really icy (apparently they don't believe in salt/sand for the sidewalks in Scotland).  After nearly falling and rolling right back down the mountain (although there wasn't too far to go because I hadn't made too much progress) I had to slow down.  Then my calves felt like they were bowing outward and they were just going to snap off.

I finally made it to the top of the mountain (10 minutes late for a 50 min class...ugh) and I go to the Visitor's Center to check in and find out where I was supposed to go...AND it was another walk about a smaller hill that was equally as steep.

I didn't walk into class.  I stumbled in.  Sweaty, disheveled, and beyond out of breath.

I walked as quickly as possible (which was about a snail's pace at this point) and sat in the back.  Well, I didn't really sit, I more like slumped and tried not to wheeze too loudly.

I get to do this twice a week.  It was either make me really in shape or kill me off.  Probably the latter.

SO my personal advice to those who are out of shape: DON'T CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.  DON'T CLIMB ANY MOUNTAIN.

Disclaimer:  I am not trying to turn people away from accomplishing their dreams in this post.  I mean this in the literal sense.  Figuratively do whatever you want.