Since for most students (especially college students) the work load is going CrAzY for the end of the semester I wanted to share this link with you to put things into perspective.
CLICK HERE
I am not the creator for the link. (although I wish I was)
But remember this while studying for finals! And Good Luck!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
You Can Call Me Tweak
I should have minded the advice of Goldilocks and found the "just right" amount of caffeine. But no, I have an inability to strike a balance, and that will probably be the death of me.
So I drink coffee. Only problem is I usually overestimate. Like today.
I tried to casually rub my eye to maybe get it to stop. But of course that never works. So I began furiously rubbing it to the point that I almost fell out of my chair. Then people started staring at me, making the eye twitch worse.
Thus I am doomed to either being hit in the head with a baseball bat and other forms of blunt force trauma, or eye twitching. But at least I (hopefully) won't be mauled by a bear. (Because we all know that's really what happened to Goldilocks)
Take caffeine for an example:
As you know Tyra has my soul making me a shell of a human. (if you don't know this here's the LINK) But caffeine gives me that life-like spark. That's how I keep functioning in this world without people recognizing me for what I truly am.
When I don't have caffeine it is very clear that I'm a Tyra zombie. And people are afraid of zombies because they eat brains. And people don't generally like having their brains eaten. So they hit the zombies with a baseball bat, shoot them, or whatever else that is destructive in the head. Well that's okay for zombies because they are dead and can't feel. BUT I am not dead, just soulless, so if people recognized my zombie-like behavior they might attack me and it would hurt. A LOT.
When I don't have caffeine it is very clear that I'm a Tyra zombie. And people are afraid of zombies because they eat brains. And people don't generally like having their brains eaten. So they hit the zombies with a baseball bat, shoot them, or whatever else that is destructive in the head. Well that's okay for zombies because they are dead and can't feel. BUT I am not dead, just soulless, so if people recognized my zombie-like behavior they might attack me and it would hurt. A LOT.
So I drink coffee. Only problem is I usually overestimate. Like today.
Halfway through class (after finishing a giant coffee) I started to REALLY feel the effects. I went from having no life to BAM! super human amount of energy.
Then began the eye twitching! I don't think there is anything I hate more than when I start twitching. I feel like my brain is being short circuited by some evil alien that has taken up residence in my head and wants to use my body to take over the world but hasn't quite figure out all the knobs and buttons in the control room.
I tried to casually rub my eye to maybe get it to stop. But of course that never works. So I began furiously rubbing it to the point that I almost fell out of my chair. Then people started staring at me, making the eye twitch worse.
In the end I held my eye open by physical force so it couldn't twitch anymore.
Thus I am doomed to either being hit in the head with a baseball bat and other forms of blunt force trauma, or eye twitching. But at least I (hopefully) won't be mauled by a bear. (Because we all know that's really what happened to Goldilocks)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Black Friday Scare
I'm sure many people are probably dying after nearly being trampled at the stores yesterday, or from spending too much. But my own personal Black Friday scare has nothing to do with shopping...it has to do with bleeding to death
I thought I would be safe yesterday by staying on campus, far away from the shopping insanity. Boy was I wrong. I was just minding my own business, typing one of my three papers that are due at the end of break (yes those are probably killing me as well, but let's not talk about school work because that just makes everyone depressed), and I looked down and my keyboard was bloody!
So of course I began to freak out and search for the gaping wound which must have somehow magically appeared from me sitting on the couch because I hadn't moved all day. And I look at my fingers and they're all bloody as well (hence the blood on the keyboard)
You know when you have a finger that is bleeding and so you attempt to stop the bleeding by sticking it in your mouth? Well you may not do that, but I do that, and I did that.
And my BLOOD TASTED LIKE STRAWBERRY JAM!
Then I remembered I had eaten a strawberry poptart not long before and the world made sense again! (although apparently I'm a messy eater)
And now things have come full circle and I'm eating a poptart again. Only this time it's hot fudge sundae so there will be no confusion.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving Day Special
 |
| Don't be fooled by its cuteness. This splinter is pure EVIL! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! XOXO |
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Splinters
So a "small, needlelike particle" has currently embedded itself in my skin. Normally this is no big deal because just add tweezers and the "small foreign body" practically removes itself!
Not this time. This splinter has joined the resistance force. It has now come down to a battle of wills between me and this "tiny shard of wood material." And I hate to say it but...IT'S WINNING!
At a very young age I was told the dangers of splinters. If you don't remove a splinter then it will get into your bloodstream and STAB YOUR HEART! sneaky little devil.
However, I was informed by someone I highly trust that this is in fact, not true.
So I decided to do some research on splinters
1. Splinters are full of germs
2. They make cause infection or allergies
3. If you CAN'T remove a splinter you should SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION!
And in fact the splinter has probably already won because I didn't even notice it until my finger became red and swollen in one region. THIS WAS CLEARLY A STEALTH MISSION!
But I don't want to make any rash decisions, so I'm going to keep fighting the good fight!
if nothing else I'll have a little buddy to share my turkey and stuffing with. kill them with kindness (isn't that what they say?)
Not this time. This splinter has joined the resistance force. It has now come down to a battle of wills between me and this "tiny shard of wood material." And I hate to say it but...IT'S WINNING!
At a very young age I was told the dangers of splinters. If you don't remove a splinter then it will get into your bloodstream and STAB YOUR HEART! sneaky little devil.
However, I was informed by someone I highly trust that this is in fact, not true.
So I decided to do some research on splinters
1. Splinters are full of germs
2. They make cause infection or allergies
3. If you CAN'T remove a splinter you should SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION!
And in fact the splinter has probably already won because I didn't even notice it until my finger became red and swollen in one region. THIS WAS CLEARLY A STEALTH MISSION!
But I don't want to make any rash decisions, so I'm going to keep fighting the good fight!
if nothing else I'll have a little buddy to share my turkey and stuffing with. kill them with kindness (isn't that what they say?)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Death of a Soul (Part Deux)
While normally I would say two postings in one day is quite excessive, I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm attempting to avoid that reality.
Also this news was exciting to me. Although it may be false and someone just knew how gullible I am and used it against me.
Anyways, I was talking about the death of a soul with the physics club I'm in. (Basically I was being a distraction because we were supposed to be talking about GRE's) And someone told me that an experiment was conducted where someone who was dying was placed on a scale (lying down on a full-body scale I think) so that he/she could be weighed before and after death. THEY WERE TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH A SOUL WEIGHS!!!!!!!
While I feel like some ethical questions need to be addressed here...I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER!
Then this experiment should expand even further. I mean I have more questions beyond the weight of one soul like...
does a bad soul weigh more than a good soul because it is weighted down by the bad deeds?
can we use weight to determine what is a "good" and "bad" soul? is there a difference?
AND SO MUCH MORE!
Also this news was exciting to me. Although it may be false and someone just knew how gullible I am and used it against me.
Anyways, I was talking about the death of a soul with the physics club I'm in. (Basically I was being a distraction because we were supposed to be talking about GRE's) And someone told me that an experiment was conducted where someone who was dying was placed on a scale (lying down on a full-body scale I think) so that he/she could be weighed before and after death. THEY WERE TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH A SOUL WEIGHS!!!!!!!
While I feel like some ethical questions need to be addressed here...I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER!
Then this experiment should expand even further. I mean I have more questions beyond the weight of one soul like...
does a bad soul weigh more than a good soul because it is weighted down by the bad deeds?
can we use weight to determine what is a "good" and "bad" soul? is there a difference?
AND SO MUCH MORE!
Some Things Are Hard to Swallow
MULTIVITAMINS!
Since the dining hall at my school probably offers negative nutritional value (don't ask how this is possible. it just it. they also somehow manage to take the flavor OUT of foods) I've been taking a multivitamin. And damn the thing is HUGE!
The first time I took it I convinced myself I was dying because my pee was NEON (and I had forgotten that I'd taken the pill). But once I realized that I was actually just peeing out excess vitamins, I was back to being distracted by other incidents that were probably signaling my death.
BUT the thing that has me freaked out now is the lack of neon pee. Somehow the excess vitamins just aren't there anymore. Where'd they go? Well this is where the negative nutritional value comes in. THE DINING HALL IS ACTUALLY SUCKING THE NUTRIENTS FROM MY BODY. EVEN with a multivitamin offering OVER 100% the daily value of certain vitamins I DON'T have excess vitamins in my body!!! I could literally be completely full, eat three meals a day, and STILL die of malnutrition. WTF!
The one thing I can hope for is Thanksgiving. I'll at least eat a few home cooked (and by home I mean dorm room microwave) meals. Hopefully my body will be able to store up and I'll make it until winter break.
So while I don't like being thankful on a day that commemorates the mass extermination of a people, this holiday will most likely prevent my personal extermination due to a shitty dining hall, and for this at least I am grateful.
Monday, November 22, 2010
The Death of a Soul
I am pretty sure that if your soul dies your body continues to live on. I mean you are probably more like a robot (without the amazing capacity for complex mathematics) or basically a human shell.
Lucky for me I don't have to worry about my soul dying because it is currently in the possession of Tyra Banks. Yes, that's right. TYRA BANKS. And she is certainly not going to let my soul die because she needs it to stay young and beautiful looking.
How did Tyra get my soul you may ask. Well not to worry, she did not grab through the TV after I watched too many re-runs of America's Next Top Model. But last year two of my friends signed up to be part of the audience for the Tyra Show. They got selected and got to choose more friends to bring. So on a random Wednesday afternoon we said farewell to our college campus and hopped on the train to NYC.
Once we got there we had to run like crazy to make it on time to be part of the Kathy Griffin party pit. Basically we got to stand on stage and scream and jump. But before that we got herded like cattle into the studio where they stripped us of our possessions (to be returned after the show) and then crammed us all in a giant elevator. I'm not going to lie, I thought they were going to murder us right then and there.
We survived the elevator ride only to have our souls sucked out when Tyra entered the stage. She smeyesd (smiled with her eyes) at us and BAM! Soul successfully snatched! BUT we did get a Tyra mug for compensation. A fair trade to be sure.
We returned to campus, sans soul, but with our bodies still intact and functioning. Human shells...TYRA ZOMBIES...what ever term you'd prefer.
But it's actually a good thing Tyra has my soul. At least she's keeping it alive. I am not responsible enough to take care of a soul. Besides, my physics classes would have killed it anyway, and it would have been a slow painful death.
Now I can attempt to become a human robot with high mathematical computing powers by studying for my quantum mechanics midterm...which may actually result in the destruction of my body from lack of sleep and lack of nutrients.
Moral of the story: THANK YOU TYRA BANKS FOR AT LEAST SAVING MY SOUL!
Lucky for me I don't have to worry about my soul dying because it is currently in the possession of Tyra Banks. Yes, that's right. TYRA BANKS. And she is certainly not going to let my soul die because she needs it to stay young and beautiful looking.
How did Tyra get my soul you may ask. Well not to worry, she did not grab through the TV after I watched too many re-runs of America's Next Top Model. But last year two of my friends signed up to be part of the audience for the Tyra Show. They got selected and got to choose more friends to bring. So on a random Wednesday afternoon we said farewell to our college campus and hopped on the train to NYC.
Once we got there we had to run like crazy to make it on time to be part of the Kathy Griffin party pit. Basically we got to stand on stage and scream and jump. But before that we got herded like cattle into the studio where they stripped us of our possessions (to be returned after the show) and then crammed us all in a giant elevator. I'm not going to lie, I thought they were going to murder us right then and there.
We survived the elevator ride only to have our souls sucked out when Tyra entered the stage. She smeyesd (smiled with her eyes) at us and BAM! Soul successfully snatched! BUT we did get a Tyra mug for compensation. A fair trade to be sure.
We returned to campus, sans soul, but with our bodies still intact and functioning. Human shells...TYRA ZOMBIES...what ever term you'd prefer.
But it's actually a good thing Tyra has my soul. At least she's keeping it alive. I am not responsible enough to take care of a soul. Besides, my physics classes would have killed it anyway, and it would have been a slow painful death.
Now I can attempt to become a human robot with high mathematical computing powers by studying for my quantum mechanics midterm...which may actually result in the destruction of my body from lack of sleep and lack of nutrients.
Moral of the story: THANK YOU TYRA BANKS FOR AT LEAST SAVING MY SOUL!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Who Says You Can't Die of a Broken Heart
While I'm definitely not recovered from whatever mysterious illness was plaguing me yesterday, that illness is nothing compared to what is ailing me today.
Serious Issue: Post Potter Depression.
So I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan (this may even be an UNDERSTATEMENT). Like most fans, the last book had me crying all the way through. I came to the scary realization that the story that grew with me from childhood had come to an end. The characters that became my friends had grown up and so must I. BUT there was still hope. The final movies.
Yesterday I saw Part One of the seventh (and final) movie. First of all I just want to take a minute to say that it was AMAZING! But anyway back to the issue at hand. I was forced to confront, once again, the end of one chapter (hahaha such great metaphors up in here) of my life and the beginning of another. (YES I AM AWARE THAT THERE IS STILL ONE MORE MOVIE)
I thought it was going to be okay, and that I had come to terms with adulthood, for about 30 seconds after the movie ended. Then not so much. I could not sit still in my room and had to go for a walk to confront my existential crisis. (I guess I had it coming to me because I did not have one when I turned 20 and everyone said I would)
Who knew the end of an epic series of books and movies could result in me pondering about the meaning of the universe and what the hell am I doing with my life. THUS POST POTTER DEPRESSION!
This is definitely serious business. Potter fans across the nation are experiencing similar feelings. I think a help group needs to be started. ASAP.
Serious Issue: Post Potter Depression.
So I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan (this may even be an UNDERSTATEMENT). Like most fans, the last book had me crying all the way through. I came to the scary realization that the story that grew with me from childhood had come to an end. The characters that became my friends had grown up and so must I. BUT there was still hope. The final movies.
Yesterday I saw Part One of the seventh (and final) movie. First of all I just want to take a minute to say that it was AMAZING! But anyway back to the issue at hand. I was forced to confront, once again, the end of one chapter (hahaha such great metaphors up in here) of my life and the beginning of another. (YES I AM AWARE THAT THERE IS STILL ONE MORE MOVIE)
I thought it was going to be okay, and that I had come to terms with adulthood, for about 30 seconds after the movie ended. Then not so much. I could not sit still in my room and had to go for a walk to confront my existential crisis. (I guess I had it coming to me because I did not have one when I turned 20 and everyone said I would)
Who knew the end of an epic series of books and movies could result in me pondering about the meaning of the universe and what the hell am I doing with my life. THUS POST POTTER DEPRESSION!
This is definitely serious business. Potter fans across the nation are experiencing similar feelings. I think a help group needs to be started. ASAP.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
The Ramblings of a Self Diagnosed Hypochondriac
So I can't decide whether Web MD is the best or worst thing ever created. I mean how often does someone who actually has a serious illness find out about it from Web MD? I'm not trying to be sarcastic here, I actually have no idea.
I bet doctors also experience a love/hate relationship with it. I mean they probably are getting more patients and more patients means more MONEY! But those same patients are probably the most annoying creatures in the world. If they are anything like me then they cough once and are convinced they are dying. Then the doctors have to waste their time reassuring patients who KNOW FOR A FACT they have a terminal illness.
So here's my list of symptoms for today and what Web MD says I have.
1. headache (normal throbbing ache)
2. goopy eyes (obviously I'm not using the most technical of terms)
3. dry hacking cough (GROSS)
According to Web MD there are 20 possible options. I don't want to list them all but here are my favorites (and by favorites the ones that will most convince me I am dying)
1. Comon cold (dun dun dun)
2. Meningitis
3. Tuberculosis (when they did my TB test that little bubble they inject in you went away like it's supposed to and then after my check up it came back! NO JOKE! they said it was fine...Web MD seems to think otherwise...)
4. Dementia
5. Schizophrenia
And believe me, the other options are no less grim...
I bet doctors also experience a love/hate relationship with it. I mean they probably are getting more patients and more patients means more MONEY! But those same patients are probably the most annoying creatures in the world. If they are anything like me then they cough once and are convinced they are dying. Then the doctors have to waste their time reassuring patients who KNOW FOR A FACT they have a terminal illness.
So here's my list of symptoms for today and what Web MD says I have.
1. headache (normal throbbing ache)
2. goopy eyes (obviously I'm not using the most technical of terms)
3. dry hacking cough (GROSS)
According to Web MD there are 20 possible options. I don't want to list them all but here are my favorites (and by favorites the ones that will most convince me I am dying)
1. Comon cold (dun dun dun)
2. Meningitis
3. Tuberculosis (when they did my TB test that little bubble they inject in you went away like it's supposed to and then after my check up it came back! NO JOKE! they said it was fine...Web MD seems to think otherwise...)
4. Dementia
5. Schizophrenia
And believe me, the other options are no less grim...
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