Baby You're a Firework

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I've been merrily getting in the holiday spirit in the comfort of my own home.  I thought I'd maybe even have a death-scare free winter break.  It was going well for about 4 days.

It all started tonight, Christmas Eve.  I was getting ready to go to church and I needed to blow dry my hair so that it didn't freeze (literally) outside.  [wet hair+cold weather=almost certain death]

So I get my hairdryer out of my bag and plug it in and turn it on.  It was making this clunking noise. Cha-chunk cha-chunk.  That seemed pretty strange so I turned it off and reset it then turned it back on.  SPARKS STARTED FLYING OUT OF IT AND ACROSS MY ROOM!  I have kinda slow reflexes so it took a minute to turn it off and there were sparks just sitting on my floor.  But they burned out before I could throw water on then.

My Christmas Eve almost ended with fire, destruction, and doom.

Here's a song to sum it up.

LET IT SPARK (to the tune of let it snow)

Oh the hair dryer is broken
It is making an awful clunk'n
And since the bathroom is dark
Let it spark! let it spark! let it spark!

Now the hair dyer is popping
And the sparks are sure not stopping
The knob is turned past its mark
Let it spark! let it spark! let it spark!

When I finally turn it off
Sparks are alight on the floor
The dryer dies with a cough
Its life is no more!

I'm trying to stop the fire
But the flames still grow higher
This really sucks I remark
Let it spark! let it spark! let it spark!

Packing is Like a Puzzle

FINALS ARE OVER!!!!

Now it's time to pack up my entire room since I'm going abroad next semester.  I HATE packing.  Most of my stuff is packed up and ready to go, but I'm having some clothing complications.

I am really irrational and every piece of clothing I own, even if I only wear it once a year, all of a sudden has significant value.  I keep imaging myself on fabulous European adventures and how am I supposed to know what I'll want to wear?  That is much too far in advance.  So everything I see I just keeping thinking I might really need this while I'm traveling.  I feel like this is how hoarders get started.  Soon you'll be seeing me on TLC's Buried Alive being crushed under mountains of socks and sweaters.

In fact that kinda happened last night.  I piled all my clothes on my bed so I could compare everything I own to make some decisions.  But then my friend called me and I went to hang out, without removing the clothes from my bed.  It was a lot of people's last night on campus so I was out late.  Then I came back to my room and what do I see?  EVERY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING I OWN TAKING OVER MY ENTIRE BED!  So I tried to curl in around it.  That didn't work out so well.  They came tumbling down and I felt like I was suffocating.  The socks were definitely trying to work their way into my mouth and the scarves were attempting to twist around my neck.

So, yet again irrationally, I threw everything off my bed.  And this morning I got to wake up and see the chaos first thing. NOT GOOD.

But I must get back to decision making...*sigh*

Here's a promo for my episode of Buried Alive

I'm actually not dead...yet

I just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive since I haven't had time to post, or sleep, in a while.

Current Status: The library is killing me.

But I want to keep you entertained so here's a nice link describing how the dinosaurs died.

DINO DEATH

I think the same thing will probably happen to me except in the library basement in search of caffeine and food.

**************************EDIT***************************************

Here's another link to entertain you since I am currently unable to.
CLICK HERE


P.S. I'm working towards those 86 cups of coffee that might result in my death.  But caffeine is necessary (in case you haven't seen that post click HERE)

Once Upon A Time...

I'm going to tell you a story.  You've probably heard or known of something similar before.  This is a narrative we can share.

Once upon a time there was a wonderful creature named Sleep.  Sleep used to be friends with everyone in the town of College.  It would visit with each person at night and make sure that the next day would be bright.

There was also an evil villain called Finals.  Now Finals lurked in the shadows during most of the seasons in the town of College.  Everyone in the town knew of Finals existence but had forgotten the true horror it could inflict.

Until one day Finals stole Sleep.  Finals did not want the people in the town to be happy and it knew that by stealing Sleep away it would cause the misery Finals' black heart desired.

The towns people did not know how to react.  They became grumpy and angry.  They could not focus on the task at hand--to vanquish Finals and save Sleep.

But one hero decided to put in the time, without sleep, to make a good plan of attack.  This hero studied Finals day and night in order to learn patterns that could help the hero find Finals weakness.  The hero had to wait two weeks until she was ready to face Finals.

She brought with her all the knowledge that she'd been collecting and the plans of attack that she had written.  Finals did not stand a chance.  It was unprepared for the attack and crumbled under her might.

Sleep was truly grateful to be rescued and returned to the town of College.  However the people in the town had to disperse.  Finals had done too much damage to the town.  So they were moving to the town of Winter Break.  Sleep came with them and helped them to recover from Finals attack.

And they all slept happily ever after!

Finals are Probably Killing ME

**EDIT**

So I've been told that the music video I posted earlier is kinda weird/maybe scary.  I'll add a warning.

WARNING:  This video contains a kinda weird/gross/creepy creature as a pet and it dies...SO if you are easily freaked out or had a pet die recently VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

DISCLAIMER: I also think the video is really really cool.  So keep that in mind!

**********************************************************************************

I don't know how much I'll be able to update now that finals are upon us. (probably more than I should...)

But I wanted to include this awesome (and relevant!) video to keep you entertained in case you need a study break.

and P.S. I am no longer the VOMIT MONSTER! YAY!!

I am currently a Vomit Monster

So I am actually sick today and was sick yesterday as well.  And I'm not very good when I'm sick...I either get really crazy and make absolutely no sense or I just look really pathetic and like death is on my doorstep.

But I would currently describe my state of being as: THE VOMIT MONSTER

Luckily this state of being will most likely not result in my death.  But it certainly feels like it will at the moment.

I'm going to return to the Vomit Monster Cave (aka the bathroom).

So I'll leave you with the wise words of my dear friend, "Don't vom on me, Toots!"

"Rich Man's Disease"

Yesterday I had two very bizarre experiences.

1. I drank all the water in my water bottle.  Then I got really distracted by the paper I was writing.  But after a while I got thirsty.  So I picked up my water bottle to fill it up and it was full.  I do not remember filling it and was obviously convinced that it was empty since I only noticed it was full when I picked it up to fill it.  There is really no good explanations for this except magic or possibly a blackout.

2. The joint right under my big toe really began to hurt in the afternoon and by my evening class I was limping around.  I accidentally kicked that area of my foot with my other foot when I was trying to cross my legs and it actually brought tears to my eyes.  My first thought was "I HAVE GOUT"  (my dad gets gout so this really didn't seem too far fetched)

I typed these symptoms into Web MD and here are [some of] the results (just note Web MD did not seem to think they were related)

1. GOUT (knew it!!!)
2. Medication reaction (not on any meds)
3. Epilepsy (I REALLY hope not)
4. Intoxication (nope)

Here is a depiction of the pain associated with gout (based on a 1799 illustration)

Gout comes from a buildup of uric acid in the joint.  It is a reoccurring problem that can wear away at your joint over time.  It comes from a fatty (or "rich man's diet") or a lot of high fructose corn syrup.

It is also the most common form of arthritis in men over the age of 40.  I'm not sure what this implies about me...

Death By Caffeine

So the other day I said that I was probably dying from caffeine (here's the link: You Can Call Me Tweak) and I may have been exaggerating because I now know exactly how many cups of coffee it would take.

Drumroll please!

85.71 cups of brewed coffee

Just in case you're curious about how much caffeine it would take to kill you here's the site

Death By Caffeine

The Queen of Treats

This delightful little treat has caused my downfall.  Basically Rice Krispies Treats are my favorite things in the world.  So today when I saw that they had them in my dining hall I decided to forgo eating an "actual" meal and instead just got bowls full of these treats.

They may seem light and fluffy individually.  But now that I've eaten my weight's worth of them, I feel like I swallowed a brick.

Not to mention that eating so much sugar and nothing else could lead to diabetes.  But I'm not going to think of that now...

Right now I'm going to reflect on bad life choices.  *groan*

My Umbrella Was Secretly A Ninja

My umbrella is one of those automatic umbrellas. You know, the ones where you push the button and it magically extends and unfolds.  Basically this allows for two things

1. Optimal Laziness
2. Umbrella can be used as a surprise weapon in case of an emergency

Well today my umbrella turned on me.  TWICE!  And either time or perhaps both times have the possibility to result in my demise.

The first time I was trying to close the umbrella to go into my classroom.  To close the umbrella you simply push the button and it unfolds.  But then you must manually push the umbrella together so it resumes its small size.  As I was trying to do that today I thought that it had clicked into place.  Boy, was I wrong.  The umbrella shot back open and while doing so punched me right in the appendix.

First way I could possibly die: ruptured appendix

Later the umbrella betrayed me again when confronted with a giant gust of wind.  It turned itself inside out.  Thus met ITS demise.  And I proceeded to become very soaked by the hurricane amounts of rain that have been pouring down all day.

Second way I could die: pneumonia

So THANK YOU SO MUCH stupid ninja umbrella.  May you not RIP.

Wise Words to Live By

Since for most students (especially college students) the work load is going CrAzY for the end of the semester I wanted to share this link with you to put things into perspective.

CLICK HERE

I am not the creator for the link.  (although I wish I was)

But remember this while studying for finals!  And Good Luck!!

You Can Call Me Tweak

I should have minded the advice of Goldilocks and found the "just right" amount of caffeine.  But no, I have an inability to strike a balance, and that will probably be the death of me.

Take caffeine for an example:

As you know Tyra has my soul making me a shell of a human.  (if you don't know this here's the LINK)  But caffeine gives me that life-like spark.  That's how I keep functioning in this world without people recognizing me for what I truly am.

When I don't have caffeine it is very clear that I'm a Tyra zombie.  And people are afraid of zombies because they eat brains.  And people don't generally like having their brains eaten.  So they hit the zombies with a baseball bat, shoot them, or whatever else that is destructive in the head.  Well that's okay for zombies because they are dead and can't feel.  BUT I am not dead, just soulless, so if people recognized my zombie-like behavior they might attack me and it would hurt. A LOT.

So I drink coffee.  Only problem is I usually overestimate. Like today.

Halfway through class (after finishing a giant coffee) I started to REALLY feel the effects.  I went from having no life to BAM! super human amount of energy. 

Then began the eye twitching!  I don't think there is anything I hate more than when I start twitching.  I feel like my brain is being short circuited by some evil alien that has taken up residence in my head and wants to use my body to take over the world but hasn't quite figure out all the knobs and buttons in the control room.  

 I tried to casually rub my eye to maybe get it to stop.  But of course that never works.  So I began furiously rubbing it to the point that I almost fell out of my chair.  Then people started staring at me, making the eye twitch worse.

In the end I held my eye open by physical force so it couldn't twitch anymore.

Thus I am doomed to either being hit in the head with a baseball bat and other forms of blunt force trauma, or eye twitching.  But at least I (hopefully) won't be mauled by a bear.  (Because we all know that's really what happened to Goldilocks)

Black Friday Scare

I'm sure many people are probably dying after nearly being trampled at the stores yesterday, or from spending too much.  But my own personal Black Friday scare has nothing to do with shopping...it has to do with bleeding to death

I thought I would be safe yesterday by staying on campus, far away from the shopping insanity.  Boy was I wrong.  I was just minding my own business, typing one of my three papers that are due at the end of break (yes those are probably killing me as well, but let's not talk about school work because that just makes everyone depressed), and I looked down and my keyboard was bloody!

So of course I began to freak out and search for the gaping wound which must have somehow magically appeared from me sitting on the couch because I hadn't moved all day.  And I look at my fingers and they're all bloody as well (hence the blood on the keyboard)

You know when you have a finger that is bleeding and so you attempt to stop the bleeding by sticking it in your mouth?  Well you may not do that, but I do that, and I did that.

And my BLOOD TASTED LIKE STRAWBERRY JAM!

Then I remembered I had eaten a strawberry poptart not long before and the world made sense again!  (although apparently I'm a messy eater)

And now things have come full circle and I'm eating a poptart again.  Only this time it's hot fudge sundae so there will be no confusion.

Thanksgiving Day Special

Don't be fooled by its cuteness.  This splinter is pure EVIL!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! XOXO

Splinters

So a "small, needlelike particle" has currently embedded itself in my skin.  Normally this is no big deal because just add tweezers and the "small foreign body" practically removes itself!

Not this time.  This splinter has joined the resistance force.  It has now come down to a battle of wills between me and this "tiny shard of wood material."  And I hate to say it but...IT'S WINNING!

At a very young age I was told the dangers of splinters.  If you don't remove a splinter then it will get into your bloodstream and STAB YOUR HEART!  sneaky little devil.

However, I was informed by someone I highly trust that this is in fact, not true.

So I decided to do some research on splinters
1. Splinters are full of germs
2. They make cause infection or allergies
3. If you CAN'T remove a splinter you should SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION!

And in fact the splinter has probably already won because I didn't even notice it until my finger became red and swollen in one region.  THIS WAS CLEARLY A STEALTH MISSION!

But I don't want to make any rash decisions, so I'm going to keep fighting the good fight!

if nothing else I'll have a little buddy to share my turkey and stuffing with.  kill them with kindness (isn't that what they say?)

Death of a Soul (Part Deux)

While normally I would say two postings in one day is quite excessive, I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm attempting to avoid that reality.

Also this news was exciting to me.  Although it may be false and someone just knew how gullible I am and used it against me.

Anyways, I was talking about the death of a soul with the physics club I'm in.  (Basically I was being a distraction because we were supposed to be talking about GRE's)  And someone told me that an experiment was conducted where someone who was dying was placed on a scale (lying down on a full-body scale I think) so that he/she could be weighed before and after death.  THEY WERE TRYING TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH A SOUL WEIGHS!!!!!!!

While I feel like some ethical questions need to be addressed here...I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER!

Then this experiment should expand even further.  I mean I have more questions beyond the weight of one soul like...

does a bad soul weigh more than a good soul because it is weighted down by the bad deeds?
can we use weight to determine what is a "good" and "bad" soul? is there a difference?

AND SO MUCH MORE!

Some Things Are Hard to Swallow

MULTIVITAMINS!

Since the dining hall at my school probably offers negative nutritional value (don't ask how this is possible. it just it.  they also somehow manage to take the flavor OUT of foods) I've been taking a multivitamin.  And damn the thing is HUGE!

The first time I took it I convinced myself I was dying because my pee was NEON (and I had forgotten that I'd taken the pill).  But once I realized that I was actually just peeing out excess vitamins, I was back to being distracted by other incidents that were probably signaling my death.

BUT the thing that has me freaked out now is the lack of neon pee.  Somehow the excess vitamins just aren't there anymore.  Where'd they go?  Well this is where the negative nutritional value comes in.  THE DINING HALL IS ACTUALLY SUCKING THE NUTRIENTS FROM MY BODY.  EVEN with a multivitamin offering OVER 100% the daily value of certain vitamins I DON'T have excess vitamins in my body!!!  I could literally be completely full, eat three meals a day, and STILL die of malnutrition.  WTF!

The one thing I can hope for is Thanksgiving.  I'll at least eat a few home cooked (and by home I mean dorm room microwave) meals.  Hopefully my body will be able to store up and I'll make it until winter break.

So while I don't like being thankful on a day that commemorates the mass extermination of a people, this holiday will most likely prevent my personal extermination due to a shitty dining hall, and for this at least I am grateful.

The Death of a Soul

I am pretty sure that if your soul dies your body continues to live on.  I mean you are probably more like a robot (without the amazing capacity for complex mathematics) or basically a human shell.

Lucky for me I don't have to worry about my soul dying because it is currently in the possession of Tyra Banks.  Yes, that's right.  TYRA BANKS.  And she is certainly not going to let my soul die because she needs it to stay young and beautiful looking.

How did Tyra get my soul you may ask.  Well not to worry, she did not grab through the TV after I watched too many re-runs of America's Next Top Model.   But last year two of my friends signed up to be part of the audience for the Tyra Show.  They got selected and got to choose more friends to bring.  So on a random Wednesday afternoon we said farewell to our college campus and hopped on the train to NYC.

Once we got there we had to run like crazy to make it on time to be part of the Kathy Griffin party pit.  Basically we got to stand on stage and scream and jump.  But before that we got herded like cattle into the studio where they stripped us of our possessions (to be returned after the show) and then crammed us all in a giant elevator.  I'm not going to lie, I thought they were going to murder us right then and there.

We survived the elevator ride only to have our souls sucked out when Tyra entered the stage.  She smeyesd (smiled with her eyes) at us and BAM! Soul successfully snatched!  BUT we did get a Tyra mug for compensation.  A fair trade to be sure.

We returned to campus, sans soul, but with our bodies still intact and functioning.  Human shells...TYRA ZOMBIES...what ever term you'd prefer.

But it's actually a good thing Tyra has my soul.  At least she's keeping it alive.  I am not responsible enough to take care of a soul.  Besides, my physics classes would have killed it anyway, and it would have been a slow painful death.

Now I can attempt to become a human robot with high mathematical computing powers by studying for my quantum mechanics midterm...which may actually result in the destruction of my body from lack of sleep and lack of nutrients.

Moral of the story: THANK YOU TYRA BANKS FOR AT LEAST SAVING MY SOUL!

Who Says You Can't Die of a Broken Heart

While I'm definitely not recovered from whatever mysterious illness was plaguing me yesterday, that illness is nothing compared to what is ailing me today.

Serious Issue: Post Potter Depression.

So I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan (this may even be an UNDERSTATEMENT).  Like most fans, the last book had me crying all the way through.  I came to the scary realization that the story that grew with me from childhood had come to an end.  The characters that became my friends had grown up and so must I.  BUT there was still hope. The final movies.

Yesterday I saw Part One of the seventh (and final) movie.  First of all I just want to take a minute to say that it was AMAZING!  But anyway back to the issue at hand.  I was forced to confront, once again, the end of one chapter (hahaha such great metaphors up in here) of my life and the beginning of another. (YES I AM AWARE THAT THERE IS STILL ONE MORE MOVIE)

I thought it was going to be okay, and that I had come to terms with adulthood, for about 30 seconds after the movie ended.  Then not so much. I could not sit still in my room and had to go for a walk to confront my existential crisis.  (I guess I had it coming to me because I did not have one when I turned 20 and everyone said I would)

Who knew the end of an epic series of books and movies could result in me pondering about the meaning of the universe and what the hell am I doing with my life.  THUS POST POTTER DEPRESSION!

This is definitely serious business.  Potter fans across the nation are experiencing similar feelings. I think a help group needs to be started.  ASAP.

The Ramblings of a Self Diagnosed Hypochondriac

So I can't decide whether Web MD is the best or worst thing ever created.  I mean how often does someone who actually has a serious illness find out about it from Web MD?  I'm not trying to be sarcastic here, I actually have no idea.

I bet doctors also experience a love/hate relationship with it.  I mean they probably are getting more patients and more patients means more MONEY!  But those same patients are probably the most annoying creatures in the world.  If they are anything like me then they cough once and are convinced they are dying.  Then the doctors have to waste their time reassuring patients who KNOW FOR A FACT they have a terminal illness.


So here's my list of symptoms for today and what Web MD says I have.

1. headache (normal throbbing ache)
2. goopy eyes (obviously I'm not using the most technical of terms)
3. dry hacking cough (GROSS)

According to Web MD there are 20 possible options.  I don't want to list them all but here are my favorites (and by favorites the ones that will most convince me I am dying)

1. Comon cold (dun dun dun)
2.  Meningitis
3. Tuberculosis (when they did my TB test that little bubble they inject in you went away like it's supposed to and then after my check up it came back!  NO JOKE!  they said it was fine...Web MD seems to think otherwise...)
4. Dementia
5. Schizophrenia

And believe me, the other options are no less grim...