My Umbrella Was Secretly A Ninja

My umbrella is one of those automatic umbrellas. You know, the ones where you push the button and it magically extends and unfolds.  Basically this allows for two things

1. Optimal Laziness
2. Umbrella can be used as a surprise weapon in case of an emergency

Well today my umbrella turned on me.  TWICE!  And either time or perhaps both times have the possibility to result in my demise.

The first time I was trying to close the umbrella to go into my classroom.  To close the umbrella you simply push the button and it unfolds.  But then you must manually push the umbrella together so it resumes its small size.  As I was trying to do that today I thought that it had clicked into place.  Boy, was I wrong.  The umbrella shot back open and while doing so punched me right in the appendix.

First way I could possibly die: ruptured appendix

Later the umbrella betrayed me again when confronted with a giant gust of wind.  It turned itself inside out.  Thus met ITS demise.  And I proceeded to become very soaked by the hurricane amounts of rain that have been pouring down all day.

Second way I could die: pneumonia

So THANK YOU SO MUCH stupid ninja umbrella.  May you not RIP.